Schrödinger Explains The Contents Of His Lunchbox To The Other Kids At The Cafeteria Table

Photo by hesiyi via Pixabay

Children of the lunch table, listen up. I see your Snack Packs and GoGurts, your Ding-Dongs (the cake snack kind), and Zingers. Kevin, you traded away your Pop-Tarts for a Nutty Bar, textbook art of the deal negotiating. Lucas you somehow swindled Zebra Cakes in exchange for your tapioca pudding. Babe Ruth traded to the Yankees level stuff.

But what if I told you, you didn’t have to go through this stressful lunchtime stock and trade?

This metal, Hello Kitty lunchbox I have here is, right now, completely packed with a gluttonous hoard of Twinkies, Fudge Rounds, Honey Buns, and Dunkaroos; enough to satiate each of your sweet tooths (sweet teeth?). But, at the same time, the lunchbox contains only a damp ham and cheese sandwich on whole wheat.

Now, I hear your shouts of “liar” and “we’re not falling for it” and “that kid stole my cat Mittens.” But, luckily for you, I’m willing to make a trade.

Each of you, send up your Star Crunches and Cupcakes and Swiss Rolls and, in return, I’ll give you this lunchbox of holding which, right now, contains both an unfathomable smorgasbord of school-approved, individually wrapped treats, and also, only a ziplock baggie with a ham sandwich where the bread has gotten wet somehow. I…